Hero

Relationships - like hill farms - will always have their peaks and troughs. Where it is claimed that a relationship is troughless, I say "bullshit". Where it is claimed that a relationship is peakless, I say "Time to Say Goodbye". Emma and I have had a month or so of intense hill farming - organic of course. We'd both been storing up irritations that had to be aired at some point, and so they were. It felt heavy whilst the airables were being aired, but it felt good after airing had been done. Am I making sense?... No?... Then I'll continue. A month ago, if I'd been asked for a prognosis of Shane-Emma I'd have sighed and taken a telling pause before answering. Now, it feels better. The key to moving things forward was that we spoke to one another - so profoundly mature that I had to pinch myself. [Just wanted to float a line or two re Shane-Emma as it felt like a long time since I'd mentioned us in the 'We wanna be together' sense.]

*****
I am weak. I am about to 'out' myself... It's just two weeks into this year's Big Brother and I already know the names of the various characters. I even had a bet on who would win: like the party-piece of my old friend the stripper - Spotty Tracey - it was a rash act.

*****
I think I impressed Emma's whole family last weekend, when in retrieving young Alex's errant frisbee I lithely climbed a rather large tree - even if I do say so myself. But more - I proved to be a hero in the Frank Spencer mould when it became clear that the tree was quite rotten - a large branch creaked, snapped, and a moment later I was hanging from a lower branch by shredded trousers. Not cool. Really not cool. No matter how many ways I look at it, not cool. Alex was highly amused that I scratched my arse. How 'sweet'.

*****
Despite some people getting confused last time out, and imagining the divine starry directions of Mystic Shane to be negotiable (I know!), let us try again. This week, it's all about Jew Pitter. See...

Capricorn: You cannot hide from the chiropodist.
Aquarius: I love Hugh. Do you?
Pisces: I once loved a ewe. Did you?
Leo: I love you. You should too.
Virgo: You ought to buck up your ideas, matey!
Libra: Embrace a Belgian, wish them well for Europe.
Scorpio: Out yourself - but not with regards to sexuality.
Sagittarius: And what will be your contribution to this?
Aries: Move to Hollywood, Northern Ireland.
Taurus: Cause havoc in a china shop, or China.
Gemini: Become a Michael Jackson Tribute Artiste.
Cancer: Tell it like it isn't.

*****
I love it when I don't destroy things in the kitchen.