Stars
Advice* for all...
Capricorn: Plan to eat out (Geordies, note: this does not mean 'eat owt'**).
Aquarius: Place a bet with a friend.
Pisces: Visit a chiropodist, but don't book an appointment.
Leo: Eat more vegetables.
Virgo: Apply to go on a reality TV show.
Libra: Streak at a charity lunch.
Scorpio: Buy flowers for a man.
Sagittarius: Get a hair cut.
Aries: Play a vinyl record backwards, then make a cup of tea.
Taurus: Sing a song as you wait for a bus.
Gemini: Drop a pack of condoms into a stranger's trolley.
Cancer: Look up the capital of Malawi.
* Best before 07.05.05
** owt = anything [slang, North East England (especially Newcastle-upon-Tyne/Gateshead)]
*****
Expecting a response along the lines of “I love my work” or “Not knowing what surprises lie ahead”, I asked co-dweller Marie “What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?” The answer: “Toilet”. Asked if he would be watching the TV coverage of the election results, following a long pause, co-dweller Pete replied “Peeping from behind a cushion from behind the couch, I might”. Them is stars.
*****
Most ignorant election-coverage vox-pop whine (heard approximately 84 times in the last 3 days): "I think they're all the same".
*****
Last night, a Radio 5 Live football commentator mused: “He was almost through there – had the trap-door slammed shut in his face”. This is an example of why I want to hear the main UK political parties’ views on football commentators’ metaphorising. Trap-doors are normally on the ground. To have one shut in the face implies that its bearer was hurtling towards the ground head-first. And let me tell you something, no West Bromwich Albion forward has moved that dramatically this season. Football commentators: do not metaphorise.
*****
Tim will win The Apprentice tomorrow evening (Weds). If he doesn’t, then I’ll eat next door’s cat. On Thursday, Labour will win the UK general election. If they don't, then I'll eat the cat's hat.
I love Liff.
Capricorn: Plan to eat out (Geordies, note: this does not mean 'eat owt'**).
Aquarius: Place a bet with a friend.
Pisces: Visit a chiropodist, but don't book an appointment.
Leo: Eat more vegetables.
Virgo: Apply to go on a reality TV show.
Libra: Streak at a charity lunch.
Scorpio: Buy flowers for a man.
Sagittarius: Get a hair cut.
Aries: Play a vinyl record backwards, then make a cup of tea.
Taurus: Sing a song as you wait for a bus.
Gemini: Drop a pack of condoms into a stranger's trolley.
Cancer: Look up the capital of Malawi.
* Best before 07.05.05
** owt = anything [slang, North East England (especially Newcastle-upon-Tyne/Gateshead)]
*****
Expecting a response along the lines of “I love my work” or “Not knowing what surprises lie ahead”, I asked co-dweller Marie “What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?” The answer: “Toilet”. Asked if he would be watching the TV coverage of the election results, following a long pause, co-dweller Pete replied “Peeping from behind a cushion from behind the couch, I might”. Them is stars.
*****
Most ignorant election-coverage vox-pop whine (heard approximately 84 times in the last 3 days): "I think they're all the same".
*****
Last night, a Radio 5 Live football commentator mused: “He was almost through there – had the trap-door slammed shut in his face”. This is an example of why I want to hear the main UK political parties’ views on football commentators’ metaphorising. Trap-doors are normally on the ground. To have one shut in the face implies that its bearer was hurtling towards the ground head-first. And let me tell you something, no West Bromwich Albion forward has moved that dramatically this season. Football commentators: do not metaphorise.
*****
Tim will win The Apprentice tomorrow evening (Weds). If he doesn’t, then I’ll eat next door’s cat. On Thursday, Labour will win the UK general election. If they don't, then I'll eat the cat's hat.
I love Liff.
posted by Shane @ 3:20 am
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