On silences that speak volumes

It was especially good to receive the comments – wise words most appreciated - to my last post. Ta.

Over the weekend I got into a conversation with a man - Del - who, with his partner Keisha, is attempting to make a go of what appears to be an ill-defined religious business venture. There was mention from him of Spiritualist churches. Listening to some of Del’s ‘patter’, I began to pay attention to some of the minutiae of his pitch – his eye contact, his lack of specifics, his catch-all positive statements, his ‘enthusiasm’. Also listening in were Emma and Catherine – who were getting on like the proverbial blazing house. Del mentioned that the venture was now a full-time pursuit, and that he’d given up his job in order to work with Keisha on fulfilling this, ‘her life’s dream’. I enquired as to what line of employment Del had left. His response: ‘I used to be a car salesman’. ‘Ah yes’ thought I, whilst together, Emma and Catherine commented ‘Oh, that’s different isn’t it?’ Del said nothing, and I knew why.

Later, Emma and I further discussed such things as tarot card reading, mediumship, aura photography, and so on. Such terms do not come naturally to me. Crudely speaking, I would be of the miserable git / cynic / doubting Thomas / rationalist camp. Emma’s default is not towards such a camp. Having a mother who has explored metaphysical whatnot, a grandmother believing herself to be mystically gifted, and stories of a great grandmother also being able to ‘make contact’, Emma is more ‘open’ to such talk. I turned to imagining ‘giving the people what they want’ in terms of this psychic scene – but without the illusory narrative. There are parallels between the narrative form of person-centred therapy and the kind of non-directive talk associated with those who ‘read’. It is often the case that those emerging from person-centred therapy will believe themselves to have received incisive commentary, and revelation, regarding their anxieties. Often, that is not the case – they have been listened to. And thus, what they landed with seems to have been validated. The discussion with Emma remained interesting, and ended without her blurting ‘You are just a negative cynical closed-minded ‘bloke’’. Equally, I did not squeal ‘You are talking the talk of a deluded woman who should be attending to what is real’. Such sensitivity may be necessary if we are to continue (seeing one another / respecting one another / having really good sex)*.

I’m feeling evil today.

* Delete as is felt to be inapplicable.